Monday, 5 June 2017

Over-attachment and Unhealthy relationships

"The root of all suffering is attachment" - Buddha 

For a while now I've always joked about how 'clingy' I am in relationships and have often joked about it with friends as they would use the same word to describe themselves. But when does clingy become very unhealthy attachment? Luckily sooner rather than later I have realised I form unhealthy relationships with at times the wrong people regardless of how unhappy the situation makes me I find myself reluctant to leave. After getting comments from friends like 'just leave them!' and realising how impossible that seemed to me. I ended up doing a random Google search one day and spent a while researching attachment and its link to unhealthy relationships. Like all bad habits this Isn't something I believe can instantly change but being more aware is definitely a step in the right direction.

Attachment Style 
I vaguely remember learning about attachment in psychology at college and the different types people have based on their childhood and attachment to their parents. But cutting out all of the boring complicated theories, people with insecure attachment tend to be the 'clingy' type, those with this attachment type tend to pick people who are not right for them, interesting... 

Here as some insecure attachment traits:
  • Desperate to form a fantasy bond (the perfect fairy tale)
  • Emotional hunger (often mistaken for love, but is actually a need to fill a feeling of emptiness)
  • Looking to be rescued by partner 
  • Constant need for reassurance  
  • Being with someone possessive and/or hostile

People with an insecure attachment tend to base their worth on the mount of care and responsiveness they receive from a partner the less they get the more negativity they feel towards themselves. When I read the things that define an insecure attachment I was slightly relived, there comes a point where you start thinking what is wrong with everyone!? But it may actually be a case of me picking the wrong people based on the insecurity and anxiety I feel when it comes to relationships. The need to stick around even when the person makes you unhappy makes so much more sense and being aware is the first step to more healthy relationships, Oh, and one good thing? those with insecure attachment are not well and truly f*cked its never too late to develop a secure attachment. 

Steps to not being so 'clingy'
Now this is where the Buddha quote comes in and it really is true, being attached can cause all kinds of negative feelings. In Buddhism they believe in non-attachment. Now this doesn't mean being cold and heartless but simply accepting and appreciating the fact that we have no idea when our time with someone is going to end for whatever reason. Coming to peace with this and trying not to cling to pleasure, appreciating that at times we will feel pain but these feelings all come and go.

- Deal with your fears, anxiety and insecurities. For me I have started to see and realise why I am the way I am and although I cannot change these factors I am coming to terms with it. For me not being in a serious relationship and having the time to deal with this has helped. I've spent time getting to know me and what I need this definitely helps reduce the amount of time you spend with people that bring nothing positive to your life.

- Learn to trust, this is probably the hardest one of all for most people. No matter how messed up your past is or the crap and lies you've endured there comes a time where you need to see the beauty of trust again. Obviously don't be blind or naive but I'm a strong believer of until someone give you reason not to trust them. Don't ruin a good thing with lack of trust and insecurities sometimes just go with the flow...

- Do your own thing - whether its making time for your own interests or making time for friends just make sure that time is set aside! I know when I meet someone I want to spend as much time with them as possible and although this is fine know when to say no to yourself and make sure each of you have time to do what you enjoy.

- Most importantly Learn to let go - When you know deep down it's over or the situation isn't making you happy anymore, leave. Life is too short and too precious to spend it with people who don't deserve your time.

Leaving is probably the hardest thing to do and from experience I promise you it really is possible. I know people hang on for different reasons the feeling of not having someone there is probably the worst especially if this person has been in your life for a while. But the way you feel once you get rid of them is literally like a weight has been lifted. I know I've waffled on in this post and you are amazing if you've read this far. I've spent the majority of 2016 trying to achieve non attachment and appreciating letting go, If this post reaches or helps at least one person that's all that matters.

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Monday, 24 August 2015

Lazy Sunday Inspiration

Yet again it's been a while... so technically I'm writing this post at 2 am so its not actually Sunday anymore but I like the name of this post and might make it a regular feature on my blog. The past few weeks I've been on a bit of a downer no real reason but I'm sure a mixture ridiculous long days at work and our current none existent summer has a part to play.
I sort of forgot Tumblr existed but I've fallen back in love with it, I love being inspired by other people and things, although most of the time it leads to me waning to spend money. I was browsing through my own Tumblr when I realised a lot of the pictures I re blogged had a running theme, Black. A bit depressing considering its supposed to be summer I never really wear all black but its so effortless and fashionable and I thought I'd share what has inspired me recently.
I've got a few exciting things coming up so I hope I find the time to share it. I'm currently on a much needed break from work and I plan to make the most of it.

   


Here's to a happy productive week!
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Friday, 24 April 2015

Denim On Denim | Style Post








Wow I thought I would never see the day, finally an outfit post. The truth is I'm a perfectionist and if I even see a hair out of place its not good enough, it must be the Virgo in me. After my stepdad telling me the other day it's my imperfections that make me unique I decided to stop being so hard on myself, so here's my first and not my last outfit post this year. Well its also the case of finding someone who will willing take 50 pictures of you until your happy with the result! 

I really love this look, a few years ago i would have been horrified with the thought of denim on denim, i mean being a 90's kid a denim jacket and matching jeans was all I rocked (thanks mum) but This look has evolved and come back better than ever. The key is to wear denim pieces that are different shades and with a nice pair of heels or a pair of trainers this look is easy peasy. 

Mac (similar) | Shirt | Jeans | Heals |Clutch (similar)

What look have you dared to rock recently?


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Friday, 17 April 2015

Must Stop Buying Shoes | Shoe Haul

Well, if there's one thing I definitely don't need any more if its shoes. Infact every time I bring home a new pair of shoes I know for a fact my mother is not going to be impressed but I just cant help it. So I thought I'd show you whats been on my feet recently and lets hope I avoid buying anymore for at least another month or so... 

Blue lace up heels - Matalan 
There's nothing I love more than a pop of colour I don't normally go in to Matalan but while browsing one day I found these lace up heels. Whether they're flats or heels lace up shoes are definitely in this year. They may not be the most comfortable but at around £20 you can really go wrong  sorry I couldn't find them on the website but definitely check in store. 

Nike Internationalist - Office
Finally footwear that is fashionable and comfortable, last year it was Birkenstocks now this year, trainers. I'm constantly in my Adidas originals so fancied something different, I know Nike Theas are quite popular at the moment but they just don't suit me so while browsing around office these caught my eye their all white with a pop of blue so easily go with a lot of things. 

Pacey Pointed Heels - ASOS
I've been looking for a pair of nude heels that don't break the bank or my ankles! I came across these gems a few weeks ago on ASOS, The heel isn't too high and they also come in half sizes which is a bonus because finding shoes that actually fit me can be a challenge so I definitely snapped up the 6 1/2, I'm crap at walking in heels but these are the perfect height and being below £30 you cant really go wrong.

Patent Blucher Flats - Zara
Oh boy, Oh boy, believe me when I say these have barely come off my feet since I brought them. There's something I just absolutely love about these shoes and denim and silver is a look I'm loving at the moment. These shoes are so comfortable (clearly my favourite word) and quite different from what I would usually choose. I've also seen some rose gold ones on ASOS that I'm trying so very hard to stay away from. 

Am I the only one currently obsessed with buying shoes? 




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Saturday, 14 March 2015

My Week in Pictures #2


Ahhh, yet again its been too long but I have a fairly good excuse this time, I've spent the last two weeks taking a seriously needed break in the Caribbean, I feel like I caught up with a years sleep in the space of two weeks and the bag under my eyes have disappeared! Its good to actually feel rested and get a break and I feel a bit more motivated to face the rest of this year now. Expect pictures from my holiday over the next week or so once I narrow down the 400 pictures I took woops. I thought I'd have a little catch up with one of my favourite posts showing you guys what I've been up to during this week. 


As soon as I arrived back In the UK I just had to stock up on magazines and of course a chai latte. I missed flicking through magazines while I was on holiday as I stupidly only took one with me. And two weeks without a chai latte is just too long if you ask me! 


I had a lovely Pub lunch and catch up with the girlies from work, we've just started a post graduate course in special care so it was nice to get away from the thought of all the hard work we have coming up, even if it was for just an hour...


Whoops, my chai latte addiction is really becoming apparent in this post, As soon as I saw this book on Amazon about Alexander McQueen I just knew I would have to buy it. This book about the very talented and troubled designer really caught my eye and I have a feeling its going to be an interesting read.


Nandos with my parents, I ventured away from my usual medium spiced chicken wings and thought I'd try the steak and cheese burger. To be honest with my braces I found it a bit hard to chew but it was kinda tasty but nothing beats chicken if you ask me. 


Oh. My. God. So, I did a teeny tiny sephora order when I was in St Vincent (expect a post on that very soon) and one of the main reasons I even did the order was for the Kat Von D liquid lipstick In the shade Lolita. It has been raved about so much but it's always out of stock so when I got an email saying it was back in stock I had to order it well If im honest I actually ordered two. And boy am I glad I did, this shade is amazing, but i'll discuss that in more detail over the next week or so.

Sadly I'm working literally all weekend but this week has actually been quite nice and chilled even though it looks like all I've done is drink chai tea and stuff my face with chips I assure you I did do more than that ;)


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Sunday, 8 February 2015

NEW IN | Impressive hair products

Uniq One

Orofluido
Orofluido £13.87 Uniq One £7.67

When it comes to hair products I tend to stick to the same products as I can be quite fussy when it comes to my hair. However on a few occasions my hairdresser uses something new and I just have to ask him what he's used. Normally it's when I've gone home and my hair feels extra soft or looks shiny and healthy, these two gems do just that. 

Now if there's one thing my hair is known for is being dry on occasions and very frizzy on many other occasions. Hence why I go to the hairdressers so often because my hair can be out of control and blow drying it is a nightmare. So here's the answer to all my frizzy hair problems, Orofluido hair elixir. Packed with three oils Cyperus, Argan and Linseed which all have a role to play in giving you soft tamed hair.
  • Cyperus Oil packed with fatty acids and vitamin E leaves your hair smooth
  • Argan oil to soothe dry itchy scalps 
  • Linseed to soothe and control your hair
Altogether these oils leave my hair feeling soft and looking shiny without the heavy greasy feeling I often fear I will get with a hair oil. Believe me when I say this oil is so so so light and feels oh so luxurious when applied. Fun fact this product won the 2013 hair awards best hair oil and it smells of amber and vanilla. Lush.

Leave in conditioner is one if the most important steps for me when it comes to doing my hair, Soft manageable hair is a must. This is where this coconutty smelling goodness comes in. This leave in conditioner (which can be used in wet or dry hair) is perfect for taming frizz, repairing damaged hair and heat protection to name a few. If your not into the smell of coconut this one definitely isn't for you but the smell is what first caught my attention as I kept leaving the hairdressers with amazing smelling hair! 

As they're both reasonably priced I wouldn't hesitate to repurchase either of these, they both do what they claim to do and I'm definitely impressed with the results and would recommend these to anyone with unruly hair like mine! 



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Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Serious MAC haul

MACOh boy, so this happened not all in one go I'd like to add. Simply because it makes me feel less guilty about how much I have actually spent in MAC recently. I know some people don't get the hype with MAC but I am one of those that unfortunately cannot resist, ever. I have to be honest since getting my first proper job a lot of my money has either been spent on food or makeup, after doing twelve hour shifts looking like a hot mess it feels quite nice to make more of an effort on my days off.
MAC EyeshadowsEyeshdow
First off, eye shadows ohh man my current obsession, I am constantly searching for different eye shadow looks on YouTube. It really is such a fun thing and I'm beginning to get brave and experiment slightly with my colours. I'll start off with the two crease colours I purchased, One being a MAC Pro Longwear eyeshadow mentioned by so many last year, Uninterrupted. It's the perfect crease colour described by mac as 'dark caramel' this colour goes with pretty much every skin tone. Next up Swiss chocolate, I was after a nice chocolate eye shadow for my crease, I already had Expresso but wanted something that wasn't as dark and this is perfect.

Now for the lid colours, Coppering, Mythology and Expensive pink. Mythology and Coppering are quite similar in colour (copper) but they are both such beautiful colours and so easy to wear. And well expensive pink is just a colour everyone should have. I also managed to get my hands on one of their Electric cool eye shadows 'Coil' from their 'A Novel Romance' collection I love the texture of this eye shadow and how pigmented it is but it's definitely not an everyday colour. 

I just love the texture of MAC eye shadows so easy to blend and for someone that is just getting the hang of it that is exactly what I need.  
MAC Lipsticks
Lipstick
Now onto something that I'm sure is everyone's guilty pleasure MAC Lipsticks are an expensive but necessary addition to my makeup collection. There's something about collecting MAC lipsticks that just make me feel good inside, I clearly need to get out more. 

On the left is Pink Plaid, a pink that is perfect for someone around my skin tone worn with the right lip liner you can really make it work. The middle lipstick So Chaud is slightly 'out there' for me it's an orange lipstick which is something I have never tried before. I'm not quite brave enough to wear it yet but I hope by summer it will be one of my faves. Oh boy the last lipstick, Mocha is beautiful! This is my favourite by far. I have to admit this purchase was made after I saw BeautyByJJ wearing it in one of her videos and I'm pretty sure I ordered it straight after. Described as a peachy brown it definitely looks better than it sounds. 
   MAC
Other
Lastly onto the random stuff, Cork lip liner nothing exciting I just needed a brown lip liner and as everyone seems to go on about Cork I thought I would give it a try. Next up my holy grail, like seriously how did I live without this? Mac Fix +, people have been going on about this for ages and I just thought what can be so great about water in a bottle. But this stuff comes in so handy. I use it to set my make up, wet my eye shadow brush to pick up more colour as well as using on my beauty blender. Excuse the dirty bottle but wherever I go it goes, I really need to invest in the travel size. 

I'm not really that big on blush, I go through phases but MAC blushes are the only ones I've actually tried. I got the colour Raizin after someone used it on me in MAC and I just had to get it. 

This time last year if you said anything to me about colour correction I would have had no idea what you were talking about. Now I realise how important it is, the most annoying thing about getting a spot for me is the scar it leaves behind. Using a peach or orange coloured concealer has really helped with coverage and correction before I apply my foundation. 

I think I'm going to be staying away from MAC for a while (she says) but I'm very happy with my new purchases. 



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